A "Magic Touch"

My sister-in-law, N, called yesterday afternoon to say she and her two youngest children were popping down to Richmond for the afternoon (they live bout 45 minutes away). It was an unexpected surprise and I was so grateful that this was one of those rare weekends with nothing on our schedule except what we felt like doing.

I still remember the year I helped my sister-in-law fix her hair for prom when she was in high school. Later, my daughter, 3 years old at the time, was a flower girl in her wedding. Even then N had a 'magic touch' with children as my daughter was not 'going along with the program' when it came time to walk down the aisle and N whispered some "magic words" to get her on track. To this day I don't know what N said to her, nor probably does either one of them remember, but Jen pulled it off like a pro!

It's been no great surprise then, that N has large family. She is a natural with children and I admire the way she and her husband have reared their boys (oldest one a freshman in college, youngest one in 7th grade) . . . and their precious daughter - 3 years old:-) The boys are polite and respectful (to us and to others). I'm sure they're typical siblings/children within the confines of their home:-) I'm a mom--I get that!

The thing I admire the most is how they have honored and allowed to develop each of their boys' individuality. They are as different as can be - one from the other. It's kind of ironic to me that N had four boys, and yet God prepared her for a house full of testosterone, because she has two older brothers - one 8 years older and one 10 years older. She was uniquely equipped in her childhood to parent all those boys!

We sat on the deck for a while, then moved inside when it got too hot. We talked about the pictures I have displayed in our living room and shared the memories of the events captured in many of the shots. It was such a sweet opportunity to share our family history with her children and pass on the stories of our shared life.

This morning I'm wondering where all those years have gone. I'm rejoicing, too, that we have had such full lives! She and we are truly blessed to have each other and our children and our memories to share.

The lyrics to one of Cat Steven's songs implore, "Teach your children well . . ." The Bible offers the same advice.

"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9 NIV).

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates" (Deuteronomy 20:18-20 NIV)

Thoughts on a Daughter Leaving Home

I wrote this six years ago as our daughter was preparing to leave for George Mason University. I pray you will be blessed by my sharing.

Desperation, Deliverance and other words that start with “D”

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah” (Psalm 62:8 NIV)

Desperation. Our oldest child, our only daughter, my friend, my sister, my heart will be leaving for college soon. It occurred to me in the wee hours of this morning that our family will be forever diminished by her absence. We have watched her foray out for a day trip here and there – a few hours at the beach; a few days keeping a house-sitting friend company – but never before have we had to prepare for her long term and ultimately permanent absence. Oh, she’ll be home for an occasional weekend. She’ll come home for winter break. But she won’t really be coming home. She’ll be coming to the place that used to be her life. Our home will soon become the place she visits while she’s waiting for the rest of her life.

And I am desperate. Desperate to tell her everything she will need to know to live without us. Desperate to keep her from the pain and sadness that is inevitably intermingled with success and joy from living in the world. Desperate to somehow impart the absolute and boundless love, admiration, pride and respect we have for her not only as our daughter, but as a fellow human being on this earth. Our loss as a nuclear family is the world’s gain—a strong, beautiful, brilliant and good member of the world community has sprung forth! And I am desperately grieving her impending departure.

I know that this kind of desperation is sinful. It demonstrates my lack of trust that God will enfold her with his love and protection. It proves that while I know He will always be with her to help her deal with the disappointments as well as the victories, I lack the will to allow Him alone to play that role. It shows my lack of confidence in myself and the job I did as a parent, mother, friend to my precious daughter. It is a desperation born of fear.

How can I reconcile this face of desperation with my belief that God is a good and loving God? How do I proceed from this point on, confident that God will continue to be, not only in the margins but at the core of my daughter’s life – and mine! My prayers for her safety and care continue to be lifted on high. My grief is over losing a part of me and my life that has been not only the margins, but the core. She will thrive. She will fall down. She will love and live and grow into the extraordinary human being that only God can envision. My hesitancy is only because I love her so much.

Perhaps sin is too strong a word? But my lack of confidence is not in her. Or in God. Not really. It is in the world. My desperation reminds me how absolutely and completely we must all rely on God to get us through the transitions in our lives. He is at the heart of every milestone, joyous or sad. He is the heart of every day of our lives.

My desperation reveals a stumbling block in my faith life. But mostly, it reveals how desperately I seek the face of God. How I long to know the answers to the burning questions I pose to Him every day in my prayers. Desperate to know my child will grow into the woman He has planned for her to become. Desperate to believe that I have done the best I could to help her on that journey.

And while I am certain it is not enough—has never been enough—I trust that God was there to fill in the margins when I was not wise enough or strong enough to do what needed to be done.

Post Script: 6 years later, our daughter is now 24 years old and a graduate of George Mason University. She has been happily married for 2 years to a wonderful young man we instantly considered our son.While we wish she and husband lived here in town, we're thrilled they are a mere 1.5 hrs away and we see them often.

Shopping is Love

This is not the title I had planned for this post, but when I found this picture online, I realized that yes, sometimes shopping is love. If you have a daughter you can especially understand how this can be so. But wait, I'm not talking about spending money (well that is involved, but that's not my point!)

I have recently made some important lifestyle changes, not the least of which includes eating healthfully, exercising and losing weight. My daughter, now in her 20's, has been an inspiration to me in this arena (and many others). She is beautiful and smart and yes, has matured into a woman I am glad to call my friend. I have recently lost 30 lbs. and so have had to buy some new clothes -- I really am talking NEED, not just want. She and I went out shopping this afternoon and I thought over and over "I am so blessed to have my daughter."

I am blessed, first to be her mom. Since the day she was born, we have had a connection that goes beyond mother and daughter. We are kindred spirits in so many ways -- like me, she was born an "old soul" and so we have pretty much "gotten each other" from the day she was born. She was not a perfect child, but I have no real complaints. I wasn't a perfect mom either, and she hasn't expressed too many issues about which I marred her for life:-)

Now, rewind about 10 years and I might have had a few complaints. I have memories that until today, were more vivid than I had thought I would want them to be. Picture this: A 13 year old girl and her best friend + back-to-school shopping + fitting room with not enough stalls + hundreds of other moms and teenage girls packed into a department store Jr.'s department.

I have memories of standing outside the dressing room, serving as a human clothes rack while pants, shirts, skirts, t-shirts and jeans were tried on, rejected, returned to me to go back to the rack and begin the process all over again in search of smaller, larger or different color clothing items. I'm talking hours. I don't think I complained about it a lot. I was a pretty patient mom, who may not have savored moments like those, but accepted that it went with the territory.

As I reflected back on those times this afternoon, a flood of other memories rushed back as well. I'm at a point in my life where I just don't know how much more blessed I can possibly feel. Yet, each day God reveals another blessing. Today, my daughter and I changed roles. She was the human clothes rack, making countless trips back and forth in search of a different size, style, color for her mom! She also provided me a tutorial on "never wear this" and "don't even think about buying something like that", as we breezed past racks of clothes until we found some style and fit that was at least acceptable:-) for me to try on. She was equally as patient as I recall being. She was even magnanimous - something I may not have achieved back then.

Full circle is what I was going for when I sat down to type this post - maybe even along the lines of the Circle of Life from the Lion King. My daughter can shop! She can dress, too! My daughter's pretty amazing and today I felt especially blessed to be her friend.

Not to mention that I have the beginnings of a brand new wardrobe - all of which was purchased from sales racks -- and using a store-ad coupon! That's my girl!!

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18 NIV).

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth" (3 John 1:4 NIV).

"[Children and Parents ] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1 NIV)

Rejoice and Be Glad in Him

Last night I had the joy of babysitting for the twins and their big sister. Oh what fun! They were quite excited to see me, which warmed my heart! All three of them started chattering away about what was going on in their lives.

The boys decided they were done with dinner because they wanted to get down from the table and play with me! Big sister wanted to go outside. One brother was barefoot so he needed to put on his shoes while the other one wolfed down the remainder of his fish sticks. It was just like "old times."

Because of their age, the boys looked so much older than the last time I saw them--about 6 weeks ago! They are moving from the baby stage to the toddler stage. Sister is as smart as ever! I delighted in every word and action of all three of the children. My favorite activity last night was sitting under the "playground" while the children ate popsicles. (Under the platform/playhouse at the top of the play set is a picnic table with benches where we sat for popsicle eating.) We had a detailed discussion about the colors of each popsicle and about the wonderful play set with swings, slide, "rock wall" and various other fun features.

As I played and hugged and kissed them throughout the night, I thought about how God must feel when we go to him in prayer, confession and gratitude--for just about any reason at all. I know He must smile when we lift a word of praise, when we ask for His forgiveness or when we simply spend quiet time reflecting on His word. I know He adores us even more than I adore my little buddies. I know He misses us when we separate ourselves from Him, even more than I miss the children.

God rejoices in us. We are His beloved! He created a world specifically and perfectly designed not only to sustain our lives, but to allow us to flourish and thrive. Then He sent His Son to demonstrate His ultimate gift to mankind: grace.

"But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "Let God be exalted!" (Psalm 70:4 NIV)

"But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy" (Isaiah 65:18 NIV).

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17 NIV).

Thank you for your prayers!

Many thanks to Andrea for her rallying prayer warriors from around the world to intercede on our behalf!

Well, 3 days and much stress, worry and concern later, I brought Jim home this afternoon! He spent 13 hours in the ER before the cardiologist released him to a room in the Heart Pavilion. There was only one minor episode on Sunday night where the nurse gave Jim nitroglycerin because he complained of some rather painful pressure in his chest. Since then -- nothing!

Jim has had what one of the technicians at the hospital dubbed "the million dollar workup"!!! In other words, they did just about every logical test they could do without him undergoing any invasive procedures. (We're pretty sure that tech isn't too far off on the cost, either!:-)

The doctors are baffled because every test was negative -- multiple blood work-ups, chest x-ray, echo-cardiogram, ultrasound, stress test, full body scan, upper G.I. & esophageal something - all negative. And yet, on two occasions when he experienced chest pain/pressure, he responded to nitroglycerin.

We tend to believe that the prayers of the faithful led God to heal him. That is our ardent hope and the hope that we cling to. God is so good to have placed so many faithful prayer warriors in our lives -- and around the world! We felt your prayers and love every moment during our ordeal and thank you more than we can ever express.

We do ask for continued prayer that Jim not experience any more episodes like this.

I don't think all of it has really hit me yet, but I am certain in the days and weeks ahead there will be much about which to write and share.


Until then, blessings on your journey.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16 NKJV)

"pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17 NKJV)

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST

Hi, my name is Andrea from Arise 2 Write and All Gods Creatures. I am a friend of Mary's.

Mary called last night to ask for prayer. Her husband Jim was admitted to the hospital shortly after 3:00 A.M. Saturday morning with a Cardiac Episode. He is stable, now. He will have more tests done on Monday morning.

Both Mary and Jim are prayer warriors and believe in the power of prayer. Please storm the heavens on their behalf.

Please visit Edie at Rich gifts to pick up a button to place on your sidebar to pray for Jim. Edie is a dear friend, too. Edie graciously made this button without being asked. Thank you, Edie!

Please leave a message for Mary. Let her know you are praying for her.

In HIS grip,

Andrea

Who Are You Imitating?

"Hello, jabber, jabber, jabber." This was the "conversation" that went on often at the house where my little buddies live. They imagined just about anything was a cell phone - like mom and dad have. At one point I purchased them each a phone at the grocery store. They made a ringing sound, and "talked" depending upon which button was pushed.

Even as young as 20 months, I can remember the boys, "phone" to their ear, shoulder to the phone, walking around the family room, "talking" as I'm sure mom did - phone held in place via ear and shoulder so two hands would be free at all times. It made me chuckle every time they did it. And of course, if one of the boys had a phone, I immediately needed to help the other find one in the toy bin! As they got older, I could swear sometimes even the boys sounded like their mom did on the phone - same inflection in the voice and everything!

Children live what they learn. They imitate others in their lives. But you know, so do adults. By the time we reach adulthood we have learned quite a bit - and not all of it is good. It can be challenging to break free from the undesirable learned behaviors we have developed. It can be painful to recognize that the people in our lives who we look to as examples, mentors, friends may not model the kind of behavior and attitude we know is appropriate for Christians.

Paul urges us, "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children" (Ephesians 5:1 NIV). That means we are also to set a Godly example for the children in our lives and for everyone else as well. It's not always easy, but we have a Savior who bore all our burdens for us. He will give us the wisdom and the courage to break free of undesirable behaviors and attitudes.


"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen" (1 Peter 4:11 NIV).

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13 NIV).

July 4th, Easter Baskets and Christmas Morning

I remember when I was about 9 or 10. My grandmother (paternal) used to make us all matching outfits for various holidays. I assume this memory is of July 4th, because we lived in Massachusetts that year and it didn't even get really warm until about July (Memorial Day was probably still a bit chilly).

I don't know why I remember this year in particular but my three younger sisters and I all wore blue and white striped seersucker jumpers (there was some red rick-rack, I think) and my brother had some type of little outfit to match. I have a copy of a picture somewhere of all of us in those outfits. I remember thinking I looked so pretty! I thought we all looked so great! The little outfits were sewn with love and care. They represented my grandmother's love to me.

Some of my favorite photos from my childhood are those where we all "went together." I don't know how my mom did it, but more often than not, we looked clean, combed and dressed impeccably in coordinating, matching, or "go together" clothes -- no small feat for a mom with for four young girls and baby boy.

I think of those outfits every year on July 4th. I remember so much about that house and the wonderful basement where my sisters and I played for hours! I remember the room my dad built from the ground up so he would have office space to work in. I didn't realize at the time that all parents aren't that intentional and devoted to their children. They aren't all handy and able to make do and often even "make something wonderful out of nothing."

My parents did that for us. They set the bar pretty high! They were far from perfect. But I like to think I received from them the best of both of them. All the things in me that are creative, handy, resourceful, passionate and compassionate came from them. I know July 4th is an odd time to honor one's parents. But fireworks, trick or treating, Easter baskets and Christmas mornings are all tied up together in my mind and my heart, especially the older I get.

So I am blessed to have had parents who God hand-picked for me. He brought them together so that I and my sisters and brother would have exactly the skills, talents, gifts and graces God planned for us to have. Then he gave us their presence and their love so that as we grew up we would become the best of each of them and the best of them as a couple.

There were some things in my childhood that I didn't enjoy. But as I've grown in my faith and in my ardent desire to surrender more and more of my life to Christ, those memories fade. As I learn about forgiveness - of others and especially of myself - I am able to "forget" the pain and unpleasantness, though not the lesson.

The other night I heard Dr. Wayne Dyer make a statement that strikes me as so profound I can't stop thinking about it. It applies to our childhoods, to our parenting, to our jobs, to every aspect of our lives: "Everything that has happened to you was supposed to happen. How do we know that's true? Because it happened!"

So today as the sun sets on this July 3 I rejoice in everything that has happened in my life and in the memories that bubble to the surface that give me joy and make me wistful and remind me of the legacy God prepared for me long before he made the first star in the sky.

Kreative Blogger Award

What a blessing to receive this award from one of the most "Kreative" people I know! Andrea at Arise 2 Write awarded this to me and I am honored to be considered her friend. I am amazed at how she encourages me and everyone else in her world. She is a wonderful person and a great friend.

I am required to nominate 7 other bloggers for this award and they are supposed to nominate 7 others. (Be sure to leave a comment on their blog about the award.) After they accept the award they are then asked to write a list of 7 things that their blog readers may not already know about them. I would like to pass this award on to the following:

Sharon ~ her journey
Today's Christian Mom
Inspirational Poetry of Joy and Peace
Graceful Abandon
Splashin' Glory
Seed Thoughts
LindyLou-Walking Through Womanhood

Here are 7 things about me:
1) I'm the oldest of 5 children (3 sisters after me and a brother-the youngest child)
2) When I was young I wanted to be a Psychologist.
3) I've lived in 5 states: Washington, Wisconsin, Massachusetts, Virginia, North Carolina
4) I'm 3/4 Irish and 1/4 German - My dad always told us girls, "You're Irish and you're beautiful; you're German and you're smart."
5) At one point in my childhood I knew all the words to Big Rock Candy Mountain, Down in the Valley and all the Clancy Brothers songs (They're an Irish folk group).
6) I took piano lessons for 5 years and taught myself to play guitar in my teen years - can't play either any more!
7) I believe in angels.

I hope you'll stop by the blogs of the bloggers I've tagged. You will be blessed.

What Did I Miss?

"What did the boys play with while I was at school?" For many weeks, this was the first question out of sister's mouth upon being buckled into the car seat to ride home from pre-school.

She didn't say hello. She didn't want to know what was for lunch. She didn't want to know if we could play outside after nap. She wanted to know what she had missed! She wasn't worried only about what she had missed, but also if the boys had played with any of her things while she wasn't around to protect them! After several weeks of this, I shared with my mom how frustrated I was.

She told me "You big girls always ran into your rooms after school to see what the babies had played with while you were at school." (There were we three "big girls" born within 4 years of each other and then the "babies" a year apart four years after the youngest 'big girl') Mom recounted how we often came running with the complaint that the babies had played with our Barbies or how "they got out my (insert the prized possession of the moment)", etc. After that, I gave big sister a break!

Too often I worry about other people--what they have, what they say, what they do. I make judgments about them and their actions. I criticize (often to myself) how they live and how they conduct their lives. It's a human failing, I know! I just seem to have to catch myself way too often.

Instead of worrying about what I'm missing, I need to focus on what I should be doing! God has given me some pretty specific instructions: WRITE! Not only has He instructed me to write, He gave me a writer's DNA and a mission and a vision to go with it! He wants me to do what I'm supposed to do and not worry about anybody else's instructions, abilities, missions or attempts to obey God's call upon their lives.

We are all sinners, and as Paul so eloquently and unabashedly states in 1 Timothy, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." That also means I need to give others in my life "a break."

God wants us to look to the Cross before we judge others, and also before we beat ourselves up for falling short of who and what we want to do and be. He died for all of us -- my neighbor, my friend, my spouse, my children, my coworkers -- and even for me!

"But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life (1 Timothy 1:16 NIV).

"Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD" (Proverbs 23:17 NIV).