A "Magic Touch"

My sister-in-law, N, called yesterday afternoon to say she and her two youngest children were popping down to Richmond for the afternoon (they live bout 45 minutes away). It was an unexpected surprise and I was so grateful that this was one of those rare weekends with nothing on our schedule except what we felt like doing.

I still remember the year I helped my sister-in-law fix her hair for prom when she was in high school. Later, my daughter, 3 years old at the time, was a flower girl in her wedding. Even then N had a 'magic touch' with children as my daughter was not 'going along with the program' when it came time to walk down the aisle and N whispered some "magic words" to get her on track. To this day I don't know what N said to her, nor probably does either one of them remember, but Jen pulled it off like a pro!

It's been no great surprise then, that N has large family. She is a natural with children and I admire the way she and her husband have reared their boys (oldest one a freshman in college, youngest one in 7th grade) . . . and their precious daughter - 3 years old:-) The boys are polite and respectful (to us and to others). I'm sure they're typical siblings/children within the confines of their home:-) I'm a mom--I get that!

The thing I admire the most is how they have honored and allowed to develop each of their boys' individuality. They are as different as can be - one from the other. It's kind of ironic to me that N had four boys, and yet God prepared her for a house full of testosterone, because she has two older brothers - one 8 years older and one 10 years older. She was uniquely equipped in her childhood to parent all those boys!

We sat on the deck for a while, then moved inside when it got too hot. We talked about the pictures I have displayed in our living room and shared the memories of the events captured in many of the shots. It was such a sweet opportunity to share our family history with her children and pass on the stories of our shared life.

This morning I'm wondering where all those years have gone. I'm rejoicing, too, that we have had such full lives! She and we are truly blessed to have each other and our children and our memories to share.

The lyrics to one of Cat Steven's songs implore, "Teach your children well . . ." The Bible offers the same advice.

"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9 NIV).

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates" (Deuteronomy 20:18-20 NIV)

Who Are You Imitating?

"Hello, jabber, jabber, jabber." This was the "conversation" that went on often at the house where my little buddies live. They imagined just about anything was a cell phone - like mom and dad have. At one point I purchased them each a phone at the grocery store. They made a ringing sound, and "talked" depending upon which button was pushed.

Even as young as 20 months, I can remember the boys, "phone" to their ear, shoulder to the phone, walking around the family room, "talking" as I'm sure mom did - phone held in place via ear and shoulder so two hands would be free at all times. It made me chuckle every time they did it. And of course, if one of the boys had a phone, I immediately needed to help the other find one in the toy bin! As they got older, I could swear sometimes even the boys sounded like their mom did on the phone - same inflection in the voice and everything!

Children live what they learn. They imitate others in their lives. But you know, so do adults. By the time we reach adulthood we have learned quite a bit - and not all of it is good. It can be challenging to break free from the undesirable learned behaviors we have developed. It can be painful to recognize that the people in our lives who we look to as examples, mentors, friends may not model the kind of behavior and attitude we know is appropriate for Christians.

Paul urges us, "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children" (Ephesians 5:1 NIV). That means we are also to set a Godly example for the children in our lives and for everyone else as well. It's not always easy, but we have a Savior who bore all our burdens for us. He will give us the wisdom and the courage to break free of undesirable behaviors and attitudes.


"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen" (1 Peter 4:11 NIV).

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13 NIV).

TRUCK! BUS! CHURCH!

This past year big sister attended a two-morning-a-week nursery school at their church, about 1.5 miles from the house.

One one might be tempted to think that I would then "have a break" to be minus one child two mornings a week. Picture this: urge brothers to finish breakfast; urge sister to eat something--anything--for breakfast. Change diapers. Take one of the twins to the potty (the other one was having none of it!). Dress both boys, put socks and shoes on both boys. Get jackets on. Load all three children in the car. Are you tired yet?

Each Tuesday and Thursday morning the boys were so excited! They considered these days full of great adventure! They got to ride in Mary's car! They got to go somewhere! Sister and brothers alike made announcements along the route. "There's the school bus people," sister would point out, referring to the children waiting on the corner for the school bus.

"Truck!" one of the boys would shout! "Bus, Mary! Bus," the other would announce. By the time we made it through the neighborhood and on to the main road to head toward church, everyone in the car was quite animated! I can recall several times I even looked for something exciting to point out! Once on the main road, it was a contest to see who would spy the church first.

During the fall and winter, we could see the steeple through the trees. Most often, though, we passed several busses, trucks, and "van's like mommy's" by the time we turned onto the road where the church was. "CHURCH!!!" one of the boys bellowed every single time to we turned the corner to pull into the church lot.


The favorite part of the entire trip was the "double bump" right after pulling in to the parking lot (a speed bump). Every time we crossed the speed bump the boys giggled. Every time.

As I was riding to the other side of town today to attend a training, I drove past that same church. I traveled over the James River - very high due to all the recent rainfall. I passed neighborhoods I hadn't seen or noticed previously. I even noticed traffic patterns and places in the road where several inches of the extensive rain we've had lately had pooled.

I was alert and very aware of all the sights along my way. I realized that on a regular work day, I make my trip rather routinely. I don't generally focus on the simple things in my path. I don't make a point to enjoy some of the beauty of the trees, shrubs, gardens and other plants in yards and courtyards, parks and median strips.

So often we just "get through" our daily activities. We forget to stop and admire the beauty God has created all around us. We don't take the time to notice how amazing our world is. We fail to thank God for His world and everything in it. We don't notice the amazing clouds or the glorious sun on the horizon. We take for granted our blessings.

Jesus told us to become like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven. Today I was challenged to appreciate my little part of the world and everything in it. Today I remembered to thank God for the little things that make life worth living. Today I remembered three little children who continue to enrich my life!

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it" (Mark 10:15 NIV)

It's Raining. It's Pouring.

It has been raining for several days in my part of the country. I mean relentless, continual rain! Anyone who cares for little children can learn pretty early on to dread rainy days. Rain means it will be an "inside day."

I'm not a big fan of allowing children to be entertained by hours of television. Even good children's programming can be overdone. But I do take advantage of one or two rainy days in a row by working puzzles with the children, coloring, playing with playdough and yes, getting caught up on the new episodes of Dora, Diego, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and several other favorite programs.

By the third and fourth days, though, everybody is bored. Even a two year old can only tolerate watching the same episode of Dora the Explorer so many times before he loses interest. Those days can be troublesome if I don't have something up my sleeve to entertain everyone.

Follow the leader, making music with household items, doing stickers, pulling out a new puzzle or a new book is a must! The children look to me and rely upon me to keep them from acting up and acting out from boredom and lack of outside play and sunlight.

I get restless like this when I haven't spent enough quality time with God. Even if I do devote some time to prayer and reflection and lean on familiar scripture for encouragement or guidance, sometimes it just doesn't seem to be enough.

When I start getting anxious, allow worry to overtake me I know the "routine" isn't working. When I begin to snap at my husband and be short-tempered in traffic and impatient in the check out line at the grocery store, I begin to resemble a two-year old on the third "inside day" in a row!

Those are the times I need to do more than the routine. That is when I need to open my bible and delve into its wisdom and beauty. I need to turn to God's word to get me back on track. I need to ask God to lead me to a new understanding of the scripture to which He leads me.

I can't control how many rainy days God allows. But I can control my attitude. Just as the children turned to me for guidance and help staying on the right path, I turn to God for His strength and wisdom.

"To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his" (Job 12:13 NIV).

Children Live What They Learn

This folksy saying is really true and I guess that's why it is said so often. I am back in the "mental health services for children" field. My new job - 3 days a week - involves ensuring that all of the case worker reports include the information required by varous regulatoy bodies and in compliance with company policy.

Some of the services range from a 'mentoring' program, which I imagine is similar to a Big Brother/Big Sister type relationship with a bit more focus on building specific skills, to intensive in-home services and the whole range in between.

What is evident in almost 100% of the cases I read about each day at work is that many of the the behavioral/mental health issues of the children are a direct result of the parenting or lack thereof of the adults in their lives. Some of the mental illness might be considered hereditary, but most of it is "nurture" influence.

I grieve for the children in our program as many of them have suffered emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse, struggle with substance abuse and a general lack of coping skills to deal with their daily lives.

I don't know how to stop the cycle, except to do what agencies like the one I work for is trying to do: provide services to the child(ren) and also to the families that are often the source or a mitigating factor in the children ending up in our program in the first place.

What is apparent is that once parents learn how to parent, once they are educated about appropriate behavior and acceptable ways to interact with their children, life improves not only for the children, but for the entire family unit. There a some "success" stories. Those are the ones you live for. Those are the ones that make you want to go to work each day. There's always a chance for improvement.

Children are God's gift to the world. They are our future. We must nurture and love them so they can grow up to nurture and love - themselves and each other and everyone else in the world.

Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, "Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children." (Deuteronomy 4:10 NIV)

Keep his decrees and commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the LORD your God gives you for all time. (Deuteronomy 4:40 NIV)

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. (Deuteronomy 6:6-8 NIV)

Their children, who do not know this law, must hear it and learn to fear the LORD your God as long as you live in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess." (Deuteronomy 31:13 NIV)

Blameless and Harmless

About three years ago I worked as a lead teacher in an area preschool. My class was for the "older threes." These were the 3-year olds who would be going to kindergarten several months after their 5th birthdays.

I was quite a puzzle to these children when I became their teacher. You see, it is apparent that I love children. I mean most 3-5 year olds are drawn to me--I think they sense my passion and genuine love for them! I'm also, though, very no-nonsense. In my world, adults are in charge. Period. Also, in my world, when an adult gives you an instruction or tells you to do something, if you're under the age of 21: you DO IT! Yes, I'm really old fashioned like that:-) Yet my class was a place of fun and learning, comfortable and inviting and full of hugs and positive vibes.

Eventually I ended up with many of the "problem" children. By the time I left that day care my class consisted of ages ranging from 2 1/2 to 4! The two assistant teachers and I potty trained a couple who continually wet their pants for other teachers (not for us!) I converted a couple of hard core drama kings and queens into reasonably pleasant children when they were in my room.

We three teachers really clicked and we were all definitely on the same page. I generally found that the "problem children" were not the problem. Rather, the problems were the parents! One day after I had left for day and the assistant teacher who worked in the afternoons stayed on the playground with several of the children from our class she overheard a conversation between two of "our" boys. Apparently one of these two and another boy had exchanged words. Feelings were hurt, harsh words exchanged. The boys separated and went their separate ways.

The boy who was conversing with the other classmate told his friend about the incident. The other boy told him, "that's why we only hang around with people like this." (He pulled up his shirt sleeve and pointed to his arm.) These two boys were white. The other boy was black. My co-teacher was mortified! I was livid when she told me!

My tirade involved disbelief and abject horror that a three year old child's mind could already be filled with such thoughts and ideas. The child never even had a chance to learn any other way than one of prejudice and hatred. It cut me to my core. The boy who made that remark is one to whom I had devoted a great deal of attention that year. He had been difficult and uncooperative at first. It took a while for him to warm up to me and to begin to participate appropriately in class activities. Now I understood all too well the source of his behavioral issues!

I really questioned what I was doing there. I wondered how I could possibly make a difference in the lives of these children against such formidable odds. Now I understand I was placed in their lives for a purpose - a divine purpose. I was to be their light; I was to be blameless and harmless in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation. Hmm. That's a lot to expect of one so flawed and broken, sin-filled and imperfect.


Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. (Matthew 5:16 KJV)

That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; 9Philippians 2:15 KJV)

But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing. (2 Thessalonians 3:13 KJV)

Relying Upon a Firm Foundation

The other day the children's mom told me that the boys had made quite a mess in their room. Apparently they had opened their two bottom dresser drawers and emptied them of all their contents. Clothes were everywhere on the floor and it was obvious the boys had enjoyed flinging the clothes as far as they could.

Their mom told me that when she walked into the room and saw the mess she started fussing at them and told them they were going to have to help her "clean up this big mess." To which they responded by breaking into the song I taught them early on, "Clean Up, Clean Up . . ." I hope it provided a moment of comic relief for her! It's very hard work being a mom to three toddlers and she works very hard at being a good mom.

This morning I told the boys we needed to clean up the blocks they were playing with and they again began to sing that same song--that's what reminded me of the antecdote their mom shared with me.

I hope I have taught them even more important lessons than cleaning up our own messes. I hope I have at least reinforced the lessons and guidance their very diligent parents are working to instill in them. Sister already initiates conversations about God and Jesus and tries to make sense of it all. She has a good faith foundation that I know her brothers will have as well.

For my life, I cling to scripture for the "way I should go." It's so important to rely upon the foundation of my knowledge of the Bible, gleaned from personal study, bible study and Sunday school classes and other readings. Without that foundation, I don't know how I would even function in the world with all it's competing messages and enticements.

It's so important to lay a good foundation for our lives so that when the storms come, we know where to go to find shelter. I'm happy the boys remembered the song and don't think of cleaning up after themselves as an unpleasant chore, but rather as a part of life, and as just "what you do."

I hope I can be as cheerful the next time I'm called upon to do something others might consider tedious or unpleasant.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. [Proverbs 22:6 NKJ]

Children Are A Blessing

That's often said by those who don't have them, by those who want the world to believe they're 100% thrilled 100% of the time to have their own children, or by grandparents who are speaking of their grandchildren!

But you know what? It IS true!

Jesus made it very clear that children were important to Him. More than that He tells us that we must become like little children to make it into the kingdom of heaven! ". . . Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 18:3 RSV] God values children so much, He made His own son into one!

I don't think Jesus meant we were to be timid. I'm pretty sure He wasn't telling us to run up to someone we love and throw our arms around their knees with such delight that they almost fall over! Although that's really wonderful when it happens! He probably wasn't telling us to taste absolutely everything--everything(!)either.

What he was talking about, I think, is that we are to have that same sense of wonder at and curiosity about God's world. We are to have a child's inquisitive mind when we seek to know God better. I think He was telling us to be humble and quiet, to watch and to listen. And it really wouldn't hurt to throw our arms around each other once in a while, would it?

Little children, let us not love in word or speech but in deed and in truth. [1 John 3:18 RSV]